Big girl in a small world
We try not to make ourselves small just because our bodies are big.
Every waking minute of your life, you're reminded of the space you take up on this Earth. "It's a small world" — tell me about it.
It's a small, suffocating, overbearing world where people take up your space — they're in your head and they're in your home — to tell you again and again and again, you're fat.
I know, I am, and now what? The bodies of fat women aren't at your agency.
Before you defend yourself, let me remind you that you're not concerned about my body, you're simply uncomfortable with it.
You're uncomfortable I exist in this body that does not conform to your ideal state of being, fed to you by the media and internalized misogyny.
You're astonished that I, a fat person, could have other adjectives — smart, ambitious, pretty, opinionated, etc. — DESPITE having a body that isn't typically associated with this description.
"I'm only trying to help"
Allow me to list down why someone could be fat:
Eats like a pig (not)
Underlying conditions such as PCOS or Hypothyroidism
Does not have access to proper nutrition
Does not have access to proper healthcare
Depression
Research to learn more (make sure you look under the heaps of fatphobia that's swept under the rug)
Circling back to "I'm only trying to help"
I know it's appalling when a fat person rejects your concern. It's hard to digest (no pun intended) that someone does not want endless diet tips, links to exercise videos, completely safe weight-loss drugs, or plain disgust thrown at them everywhere they go.
"Does she not care about herself?"
"She's going to die a sad death (Note to self: Add 'I told you so' in her eulogy)"
"She obviously does not know how to lose weight"
We know.
We know, we've tried it all. We keep trying. We try harder as each day passes, despite your judgement, your unsolicited advice, and your hatred for my body type.
We try not to hate ourselves because of it; because of you. We try not to make ourselves small just because our bodies are big.
We overcompensate with humour, kindness, and hospitality in the hope that we don't get mistaken as big, scary, and less than human.
Many of us big girls are afraid of social situations, we develop eating disorders, we are desperate to fit in, and some face worse consequences.
All I ask is, let us be. Be considerate. Be kind.
We are only human, even though we don't look textbook.